In honor of foster care month in May (late, as usual!), we’d like to give you a quick peek into our foster care journey. We became foster parents about three years ago and have had four kiddos blend into our home. Jon as a former youth pastor has always felt pulled toward kids in crisis and I’ve always felt a burden for mamas who needed help and support. Foster care seemed like the right fit.
Our first foster kiddo was almost three. When we picked him up, we were told that he sleeps from about midnight to nine a.m. Midnight!? I don’t even make it to midnight to ring in a new year. We took the little guy home and put him in bed at 10 p.m. hoping for the best. We finally thought he was down for the night when at 3 a.m. I heard faint whimpers. I couldn’t find where they were coming from as little guy was no longer in his bed. I found him sitting downstairs on the couch crying in the dark. Poor little guy didn’t know where he was or where his people were. This is the same little guy though who soon enough was so excited to take a bath, he couldn’t be bothered to take his clothes and shoes off. Fully clothed, he passed me in a blur and leaped with joy straight into the bathtub. He was one resilient little guy.
We once received a call asking if we would be able to take in a teenager who just hours before had gone into his mama’s room to check on her, only to find that she had passed away. We know that these sweet ones are coming from hard places, but these are places that many of us cannot even begin to imagine.
We aren’t called to live a comfortable life. Positive change in ourselves, change in others, and change in the community does not happen during periods of comfort. Yes, foster care of course is so important because of the impact you make on the children and families of your community; but just as significant is the impact it makes on you and your family. Learning to be content in having no control over the ultimate outcome of the foster care case teaches us that really, any control we believe we have over our life is an illusion. Experiencing that deep love you feel for your own family that is actually replicated in those who do not share your DNA teaches us that we are strong and brave enough to fully and recklessly love anyone, even if we know we may not have a lifetime in-person connection. Experiencing firsthand the hard battle that some people fight to make things right for their family teaches us to show compassion to those who at one point we may have believed are not worthy of such empathy, and that really, we all need support from our communities. Sending a kiddo back to their birth parents teaches us to trust that we are not the only family that can give this little one a good life. Both our foster and biological children are God’s kids first, and He has trusted us with them for the period of time that they remain in our care, no matter how long or short that is.
Of course bringing children into your home is absolutely not for everyone. There are many (many) moments where we thought that it wasn’t for us. Angie Grant at Cloverhill Church talked us down from some moments of serious panic, and we’ve spent a number of nights singing “It is Well” over a crib, not only to get a little one to sleep, but also to pray that it would be true. There are so many ways to get involved though, because there is no such thing as other people’s kids. Below are some ideas and resources for ways to help.
If it’s not foster care that that stirs up that “I have to do something” feeling, what is it? Maybe it’s doing the hard work in your own family, maybe it is addressing race, ethnic, or gender inequalities, poverty, homelessness, climate change, or animal welfare. There’s so much work to be done and we individually can’t do it all, so identify what makes your heart break the most and do something.
“Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the case of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” Isaiah 1:17
- Jess
Foster Care Opportunities:
Respite Care: Align with a foster family to provide overnight care for foster kiddos to give foster families a little break and to show these kiddos that there are so many people who will love and support them. Organizations in and around Richmond to contact regarding providing respite care:
Cloverhill Church: info@cloverhill.church
Hope Church: https://hopecentral.com/fosteringhope/
Become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA): A child advocacy program which trains volunteers to speak for abused and neglected children currently in court proceedings who are too young to speak for themselves.
VA CASA: https://virginiacasa.org/
Donate Items for Kids and Families in Foster Care:
Cloverhill Church Fostering Network: info@cloverhill.church
Donate Financially to VA Kids Belong: https://www.vakidsbelong.org/donate
Donate directly to your Local Department of Social Services (diapers, wipes, clothes, formulas, blankets, toys, bottles)
Support the Foster Care Workers at your Local Department of Social Services: Departments of Social Services experience turnover rates as high as 40% per year for Foster Care Workers and those in Child Protective Services. With staring salaries in Virginia as low as $31,000 coupled with low staffing and extremely high stress, to say this is a difficult job is an understatement. Consider:
Contacting your Board of Supervisors and also state representatives to call for increased funding for your local department of social services to address retention by increased staffing, higher starting salaries, and mental health support for workers.
Visit VA Kids Belong for ideas on how to show appreciation to your locality’s foster care and child protective services workers: https://www.vakidsbelong.org/support-social-workers
Become a Foster Parent: Understanding that reunification to a stable birth family is often in the child’s best interest, and a willingness to corporate with the birth family and the department of social services to promote continuation of connection with the birth family are key. For more information regarding the process to become a foster parent contact your local department of social services:
Chesterfield/Colonial Heights DSS: Attend one of the monthly information sessions https://www.chesterfield.gov/754/Foster-Care
Richmond Department of Social Services: Call (804) 646-5437
Henrico Department of Social Services: Attend an informational session https://henrico.us/services/applying-foster-parent/
Amelia Department of Social Services: Call (804) 561-2681
Powhatan Department of Social Services: Call (804) 598-5630